Life Changing Events - Prologue

OK. . so the truth is I suck at this blogging thing. As it turns out, I have no original thoughts. I had great intentions of blogging every other day but here I am almost three months later on only my second post. So much for that. I make no promises regarding the future but I'm hoping I will do better.

So wow, where do I start. I'm not even sure. I guess I will try to devote my next couple of posts to trying to describe what has been going on in our lives over the last four plus years. The things that forever separated who I was on July 29, 2001 to who I am now. It seems that was really the turning point in my life and not necessarily in a good way.

So here I bring you Part 1 in a 4 part series. . . . Miscarriage

Ohhh, wait, hold on a minute. I think before we get there I should start with the Prologue. Sorry to get you all excited. . . I mean who reads the prologues anyway right (except Ben)?

Prologue

In order to get to the miscarriage, I need to back up a few steps. My wonderful husband, Ben and I met in High School my senior year (1996). We were in the same Physics class and the minute he walked in the door on the first day I thought, that is the hottest guy I've ever seen (I know, I know, this is starting to sound like a John Hughes film). I think somewhere deep inside I knew I was going to marry him (cheesy and cliche. . .I'm well aware). Lucky for me we were seated alphabetically so I sat right behind him. I spent the entire year day dreaming about him and knowing he was way to good for me. Finally at the end of the year I got up the nerve to ask him to prom even though we never hung out and weren't even friends. To make a long story short, he said yes and we've been together ever since. We were married on Aug. 11, 2000.

I don't remember much about the wedding itself, it just seemed like a blur. However I do remember saying the vows. I remember Ben crying through his. I remember meaning every single word of them. I remember feeling like the luckiest person on earth to be marrying the most amazing person I had ever met. I remember thinking that this was just the beginning and we were about to embark on this fairy tale life. I had no idea what was in store for us before we would even hit the 5 year mark. Maybe the vows should have been more specific and should have read more like this:

"In miscarriage and infertility. . . In adoption and uncertainty. . . in family drug abuse and depression. . . in panic attacks and cancer. . . I promise to be true to you"

That would have been more applicable. I'm glad I didn't know how things would go because I would have been terrified and certain that I wouldn't be able to handle some of the things I've been through.

When we first started dating, we decided we didn't want to have children. We were young and had crazy ideas about how we were going to live our lives (turns out neither of us are all that adventurous in our "old" age). After my nephew was born in 1999, that changed. As our engagement wore on, the years until we planned to start our family dwindled. . 7yrs, 5, 3.. . . . I ended up coming off the pill one month after we were married. We spent the next few months terrified that I actually was going to get pregnant. We were both 22 and still in college living in a one bedroom 600 sqft apartment with no hot water, bugs, and a leaky roof (maybe we were more adventurous than I thought). Ben and I only saw each other on weekends since I was working days full time and going to school at night full time. He was working from 3PM until 4AM and getting up and going to school full time from 8AM until he went to work. As a side note, I don't know how we did that and still graduated with full honors (above a 3.95). We bought a house less than a year later and moved in early June 2001. We stopped thinking about having a baby, but didn't take any preventative measures since we had been at it for almost 8 months already and nothing had happened. We weren't sure how the financial end of owning a house was going to work at as two 23 year old college students.. . .(you can see what's coming here). Of course, wouldn't you know it, thats when I got pregnant.

I took two hpt's on a whim and got incredibly faint lines. I wasn't quite as hpt savy as I am now and didn't have any idea what to think. I called the obgyn and stuttered. . "uh, I think I'm pregnant". They had me come in and do the first of my many, many betas. That was the longest 24 hours I ever waited. I called the next morning the minute the office opened for my results. The nurse put me on hold for 5 full minutes while I literally held my breath until I was dizzy. As the blackness started to take over I heard, "Mrs. N, congratulations, you're pregnant".