No more air quotes and other ventings
Let me just say right off the bat, stop with the air quotes. . . . just stop already. I don't want to sit through another three hour meeting watching grown educated men with hairy hands in the air making air quotes at inappropriate times. No more (Whew, I just needed to get that off my chest).
I'm typically a pretty upbeat positive person. Not overly sugary or obnoxiously optimistic (life has definitely killed that for me over the last couple of years) but I'm not a chronic complainer. That being said, it has been a really long week already and I feel the need to do some serious random thought venting. Buckle you seat belts and stick with me folks, it could be a bumpy winding ride covering the whole gamut of life.
1. I'm am so sick of people asking me why I had major surgery to correct my uterus/endometriosis/etc. if I was just going to "give up" and attempt to adopt a short time later. First off, I didn't "just give up". I simple couldn't take one more lousy month of IF. I was tired of contemplating driving into oncoming traffic because I started spotting. I was tired of putting my entire life on hold. I was tired of spreading 'em very other day for 2 weeks whether I wanted to or not. I was tired of squeezing my boobs every hour to check the soreness progress. I was just plain tired. If I wanted to maintain any shred of the person I once was, I had to take a different approach. I never "gave up" on the dream of conceiving, carrying, and birthing my child. I just didn't have the strength to go on with it anymore. I still dream OK. .. so stop bringing it up already when you've popped out three perfect babies in 3 years. You don't understand the situation. . . .you will never understand.
2. I'm sick to death of bawling my eyes out everytime I think of Emma and how she was probably genetically perfect but my mutant uterus couldn't cut it. My body essentially murdered the only child I will every conceive. The only being ever to exist that had half of me and half of my perfect beautiful husband. She would have been 2.5 now, I can't believe it.
3. I'm sick of waiting forever for our adoption coordinator to return my calls. Is this some sort of demented game? She's an adoptive mother and should understand the amount of stress she puts me under. I mean, how hard is it to pick up the damn phone and talk to me for 5 freaking minutes. . . honestly. Everytime I'm left waiting on pins and needles, afraid to leave my desk and go to the bathroom or warm up my lunch or gouge out my eye with a pencil. If I did that at my work, it would be totally unacceptable and would be receiving flame mail up the ying-yang.
4. I'm pissed that Channel 4 won't come in clearly most days but everytime the cable company was supposed to come out, its suddenly picture perfect (until the next morning). I mean, what gives with that anyway?
5. Why is it exactly that the Max A/C in my car is not colder than the Regular A/C? Why even have a Max A/C if its not. . .you know. . . .the max?
6. Why does my bank charge me $2.25 per ATM card each month if I DON'T use it more than 4 times a month? Shouldn't it be the other way around?
7. I'm tired of people telling me that adopting a baby from Guatemala is such a wonderful and altruistic thing to do. I mean think of those poor children. . .. (I'm sure you can imagine the typical drill with this conversation). Dude. . .(that right, I said dude). ... . .its not altruistic, its desperation. I want to build a family and join the majority of the population instead of feeling like a leper in family type situations, running to the bathroom to hide the tears about to fall because someone is passing around a newborn.
8. I wish I could build a family on my own timing like "normal" people instead of being at the mercy of adoption agencies, Guatemalan lawyers and courts, and birthmothers. Don't get me wrong, I am excited about adoption and its not second best to me. I think it is beautiful and most likely would have done it anyway however, I wish it could've been my choice and not a forced option and wish it didn't have to be this hard.
9. Why did I ever decide to choose accounting as a career. . .. sweet mother, why didn't someone warn me about the dangers of such a career?
10. . . . and lastly, please UofM stop calling me and asking me for donations. I think I have offered up enough for your coffers. Is it not enough I will be paying off my student loan until I'm 39. What else do you want from me???
Hey, I feel a little better. I suppose tomorrow we will be back to our regularly scheduled program, otherwise known as me.
I'm typically a pretty upbeat positive person. Not overly sugary or obnoxiously optimistic (life has definitely killed that for me over the last couple of years) but I'm not a chronic complainer. That being said, it has been a really long week already and I feel the need to do some serious random thought venting. Buckle you seat belts and stick with me folks, it could be a bumpy winding ride covering the whole gamut of life.
1. I'm am so sick of people asking me why I had major surgery to correct my uterus/endometriosis/etc. if I was just going to "give up" and attempt to adopt a short time later. First off, I didn't "just give up". I simple couldn't take one more lousy month of IF. I was tired of contemplating driving into oncoming traffic because I started spotting. I was tired of putting my entire life on hold. I was tired of spreading 'em very other day for 2 weeks whether I wanted to or not. I was tired of squeezing my boobs every hour to check the soreness progress. I was just plain tired. If I wanted to maintain any shred of the person I once was, I had to take a different approach. I never "gave up" on the dream of conceiving, carrying, and birthing my child. I just didn't have the strength to go on with it anymore. I still dream OK. .. so stop bringing it up already when you've popped out three perfect babies in 3 years. You don't understand the situation. . . .you will never understand.
2. I'm sick to death of bawling my eyes out everytime I think of Emma and how she was probably genetically perfect but my mutant uterus couldn't cut it. My body essentially murdered the only child I will every conceive. The only being ever to exist that had half of me and half of my perfect beautiful husband. She would have been 2.5 now, I can't believe it.
3. I'm sick of waiting forever for our adoption coordinator to return my calls. Is this some sort of demented game? She's an adoptive mother and should understand the amount of stress she puts me under. I mean, how hard is it to pick up the damn phone and talk to me for 5 freaking minutes. . . honestly. Everytime I'm left waiting on pins and needles, afraid to leave my desk and go to the bathroom or warm up my lunch or gouge out my eye with a pencil. If I did that at my work, it would be totally unacceptable and would be receiving flame mail up the ying-yang.
4. I'm pissed that Channel 4 won't come in clearly most days but everytime the cable company was supposed to come out, its suddenly picture perfect (until the next morning). I mean, what gives with that anyway?
5. Why is it exactly that the Max A/C in my car is not colder than the Regular A/C? Why even have a Max A/C if its not. . .you know. . . .the max?
6. Why does my bank charge me $2.25 per ATM card each month if I DON'T use it more than 4 times a month? Shouldn't it be the other way around?
7. I'm tired of people telling me that adopting a baby from Guatemala is such a wonderful and altruistic thing to do. I mean think of those poor children. . .. (I'm sure you can imagine the typical drill with this conversation). Dude. . .(that right, I said dude). ... . .its not altruistic, its desperation. I want to build a family and join the majority of the population instead of feeling like a leper in family type situations, running to the bathroom to hide the tears about to fall because someone is passing around a newborn.
8. I wish I could build a family on my own timing like "normal" people instead of being at the mercy of adoption agencies, Guatemalan lawyers and courts, and birthmothers. Don't get me wrong, I am excited about adoption and its not second best to me. I think it is beautiful and most likely would have done it anyway however, I wish it could've been my choice and not a forced option and wish it didn't have to be this hard.
9. Why did I ever decide to choose accounting as a career. . .. sweet mother, why didn't someone warn me about the dangers of such a career?
10. . . . and lastly, please UofM stop calling me and asking me for donations. I think I have offered up enough for your coffers. Is it not enough I will be paying off my student loan until I'm 39. What else do you want from me???
Hey, I feel a little better. I suppose tomorrow we will be back to our regularly scheduled program, otherwise known as me.
posted by stilhoping12 at
9/22/2004 10:35:00 PM
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1 comments
