Moments

Its been a year now since we named Gabriel. I know this because we named him while leaving my husband's product show for his work. We had gone to the show (mainly because they provide a free buffet) the same week we chose our first adoption agency. After eating, we walked around with full stomachs browsing through all the items.. .. testing out garden swings, collecting free samples of deck stain, hoarding ink pens, highlighters, and mini snickers bars. I remember it was the first time we actually felt peaceful. We were finally putting infertility behind us and moving on. The question was no longer "if" we were going to have a baby, but "when". We actually began to live again. Everything just felt better, brighter somehow. After we had visited all the booths we left the hall (ironically the same hall that hosted our senior prom. .. the whole reason we ended up together). We had just walked out the door and I sputtered, "we should name him Gabriel". My husband looked over at me and repeated the name, "Gabriel. .. . I like that". Everything was perfect about that moment. . .. . the feeling of it. . . the reality of our future son. . . the name.

Today we left that same product show together and while I should have been disappointed that we didn't have our baby boy home. .. I wasn't. You know those moments when everything feels peaceful and just for that one instant everything is all right with the world. I had one of those driving home from the show tonight. I was driving, listening to a wonderful cover of "Wonderwall" by Ryan Adams (not to be confused with Bryan Adams), the full moon was huge and orange riding low on the horizon. I was thinking about my son, Gabriel. Dreaming about what he may look like, imagining his eyes, his hair, his smile. It was wonderful. I wish I could always feel the way I did in that moment.

Side Note:
After we decided on the name Gabriel last year, we drove to Kroger (the local grocery store) to buy coffee beans. I guess you could say the exuberance got the best of us. We were in the aisle grooving and singing to Wilson Phillips "Hold On" playing on the store radio. Thankfully, we were alone in the aisle. .. . .otherwise that would have been a moment we would have wanted back!