The Picture Portion of the Story (not of the boy though)

Before you view the pictures, please go down and read the rest of the story. I finally finished telling it last night.



Did you go down and read it?



Well. . . no cheating!



OK


Here is the hotel we stayed at, La Casa Grande




Our room. . Whoa, who's the freaky native?. . Oh wait, just me junking up the picture.




This is where we ate all of our meals.




Here is where we met Gabe. We sat on the couch and they sat on the chairs.




This is the arch in Antigua. Notice the cobblestone roads and bright colors.




One of the ruins. This used to be a school. Antigua has begun a program to restore all the ruins to their original state.




The volcano, you can't see the top because it is hidden by the clouds which come in every afternoon. I wish I had a morning picture so you could see how big it is. Its very beautiful.




This is a catholic church we went to when we were there in 1999. We aren't catholic and obviously the mass was in Spanish, so we were really confused. We didn't know when to stand up, kneel, or sit down. It was really something inside.

The Rest of the Story

Sorry for taking so long to finish the story. I've been really busy lately for some reason. When I wasn't busy, I was lazy. Also, I apologize for not commenting on other blogs. I've been trying to keep up with reading them, but see previous sentence for my lame excuse for not commenting.

So here is the rest of the story.

We spent the rest of Tuesday, all day Wednesday, and Thursday until 3PM with Gabe. He was on a really great schedule. The foster mother said he would wake up at 5AM, have a bottle, go back to sleep until 9. She would give him a bath and then feed him again. He would eat again at 11, 1, 3, 5, and 7PM. He would go to bed for the night after the 7PM bottle until 5AM. For the most part, we followed this schedule but he did wake up at about 2AM both nights for a short time. We didn't really get much sleep though because all three of us slept in a queen bed and Gabe liked to sleep all sprawled out. I woke up everytime I needed to roll over and everytime he moved or made a noise. He did a lot of flailing of his arms/legs in his sleep. Each time I woke up, I would watch him to make sure he was breathing. He must have sleep apnea because he wouldn't breath for 10 seconds and then would breath 3 big breaths and stop again for another 10 seconds. It made me nervous.

After each of his naps, he would coo and babble for about an hour happily. Ben and I would lay him on his back and talk to him. He would kick his little legs and wave his arms. He loves to interact with people. He was really a content little guy and a very easy baby. After the first crying fit, he did really well and only cried when he got tired. I would have to pick him up and bounce him around until he fell asleep. Once asleep, you could lay him down and he would sleep peacefully. I loved carrying him until he fell asleep. That was by far my favorite part. We took turns feeding him and he would stare at our faces making beautiful little baby noises. When we would go down to dinner with the other families, everyone would comment on how calm and happy Gabe was. All of the hotel staff would talk to him and tickle his cheeks. He took it all in stride.


I went through so many conflicting emotions during this time. I did feel pretty detached from Gabe. This was because I knew he wasn't coming home with us. Even Ben confronted me on this. He said to me early on, "Honey, how come you don't look happy? Are you holding back because you know we have to give him back?" There were some parts when I wanted Thursday to hurry up and come. That really surprised me. I think it was a result of feeling totally overwhelmed (not by Gabe himself, but the whole situation). There were other times when I wondered, "Is this really what I want to do? What if our life is fine the way it is?" These moments were short lived though, and I know they are 100% normal. Most times, I was just trying to soak in my sweet boy. I won't lie to you, the visit trip was hard all around. I'm glad I went though, it was definitely worth it. No doubts about that. I've told others that I don't love him yet (I hardly know him) but I absolutely will love him in no time once he's ours forever.

About an hour before it was time to give him back to the foster mother, I started to get weepy. This really confused me. As I mentioned, I spent some time (even earlier that day) looking forward to it. It was the weirdest thing because I didn't feel sad, I would just start crying. I know this sounds really cheesy, but somewhere deep inside I totally attached to him and didn't even know it. We gave him his 3:00 feeding early and I bundled him up in sweats (so I could appear as a good mother, this is a cultural thing). I was putting on his pants and I fell apart. Tears were falling on his tiny stomach as he cooed at me. Ben scolded me and said, "Babe, you're going to make me fall apart too before she even gets here." We walked him down the stairs and the foster mother was sitting in the chair. She looked so excited to see him. He didn't really care (which made me feel a little better). We had bought her flowers and gave them to her. I told her in Spanish that she was right, he was a good baby. We conversed back and forth a bit (by this time a lot of my Spanish had returned). She assured me she would take good care of him. She said to Gabe, "Say goodbye to your mama." I started crying again (Like I am now just writing this. Plus it doesn't help that Sarah McLachlan's, I Will Remember You, is playing on Launchcast as I'm typing this. . .what are the freaking chances??). She said next time we see him he will be walking. I didn't answer, but thought to myself, HE BETTER NOT BE! I kissed Gabe and Ben helped her carry everything out to the bus. I didn't go with them, but instead went back up to the room attempting to pull myself together. Another adoptive father arrived and watched Ben and I crying. We later laughed about how we probably scared him.

For the next hour, Ben and I sat/paced the room sniffing and talking about the last few days with shaky voices. I blew my nose 2,000 times. Finally, we decided to take some pictures of the hotel with the video camera. We watched When Harry Met Sally and laughed hysterically at the part where Harry moans in his bed because he can't sleep. For some reason, this was hilarious to us. Ben kept doing it periodically for the rest of the trip. We went down and had dinner and then came back and watched more movies until we fell asleep.

Friday, we took a taxi to Antigua (where we spent a week doing language/culture training on our trip in 1999). We found the language school, both of our boarder houses, and the student center all without a map. It was a nice day trip and I recommend it to anyone traveling to Guatemala. Antigua is very different from Guatemala City. It has cobblestone roads, brightly colored buildings, several ruins. Many of the people dress in the native clothing. You also get to see the huge volcanoes and the rains (ahhh,. .. the rains coming over the mountains. . cue the nostalgia).

Saturday, we flew home. So that's my story, a nut shell (sort of). I guess I'm still trying to internalize it. I really miss my boy. I want him to come home. . NOW!

Because I Need to Know

Someone please tell me. . . why would anyone mess up a good chocolate chip muffin by adding walnuts?

I just don't understand.

Visit Trip: Part Dos

Sorry for the delay. There was the season finale of The OC on Thursday and Star Wars on Friday. . . you know how it goes. So anyway, where was I?

Tuesday morning we both woke up early. The baby in the room across from us had screamed the ENTIRE night. At one point at about 3AM, Ben rolled over to me and said, "I really hope Gabe doesn't do that." I was thinking the same thing. I knew it could be a possibility, the poor boy doesn't know us. It had put both of us a bit on edge. I decided to resolve myself that if he did scream the entire three days, that I was going to remember it wasn't my fault. We showered, made the bed, went down and had breakfast. We still had several hours to kill and my stomach was churning. Everytime I thought about them arriving, I swear it would drop down to my feet. We watched The Real GhostBusters cartoon in Spanish. Finally, at about 9:15 we went down to the lobby and waited for them to arrive. I have to say, those were excruciating minutes.

The taxi pulled up at about 9:35 and Ben and I stood up. The lawyers assistant entered first (Myrna, I think) and then the foster mother (Lucinda Maria) carrying Gabe. Gabe was covered up with a blanket so I couldn't see him. Lucinda Maria was a pretty lady, she had a lot of Mayan ancestry in her look. She removed the blanket and handed Gabe to me. My first thought was, he's so tiny. For some reason, I expected him to be bigger. He was sweaty and hot from being bundled up. She had him dressed in a white sweater suit with Mickey Mouse on it. We all sat down on the couches while I looked him over. He just stared at me quietly. If he could talk I swear he would say, "Who are you, lady?" We asked our questions about when he ate, slept, etc. Lucinda Maria told us he was a really good, happy baby. That he sleeps through the night and all about his daily schedule. She said he had just gone to the Dr.'s and had his vaccinations and the Dr. said he was very healthy. She also said since it was Mother's Day in Guatemala, that she had a gift for me. It was little felt hearts on sticks (wrapped up to look like flowers) that were scented. I was incredibly touched. At this point, Gabe began to cry. This was one of my biggest fears all along. That he would cry in front of them and I wouldn't be able to comfort him. I was scared they would watch me and think, "She hasn't got a clue, what a terrible mother she will be". We took off some of his layers and then Ben took him and bounced him around. He just got more upset and really started going. I asked the foster mother if she would show us how she carried him and comforted him. She took him back and held him across her arms and bounced him uttering a series of Shh. . shh. . .shh. He quieted in about 30 seconds all the while staring at her face. I have to admit, that part was really hard. I was grateful however, that she showed us how she held him. That information proved to be invaluable. A few minutes later they left. I could tell that the foster mother did not want to leave him with us, just by watching her eyes.

We took him upstairs to our room and he began screaming again. I mean, he really got going. His little tongue would vibrate in his mouth and he started to sound like a goat. His face was red and he was sweaty. We decided to strip him down to his T-shirt and socks and then we took turns pacing the room and bouncing him around. He was not to be comforted. He would stop for a minute, just to wind up and cry even harder. We tried not to talk because the sound of our voices scared him as a result of the language difference. Sometimes he would begin to settle down and then look up at me, once he saw my face he would commence wailing. Finally, after about 20 minutes, he cried himself to sleep in my arms. I slowly, slowly, slowly, sat down in the chair and held him as he slept.

Visit Trip: Part Uno

Let me just say, the bulk of last week was a total blur. I have to apologize in advance for the lack of detail or coherency of these next few posts.

Monday started out not so bright but definitely early. The weekend was such a whirlwind which basically amounted to a lot of driving and very little sleep. Thankfully, by the time Sunday night rolled around we were so tired that we were snoozing as soon as our heads hit the pillows. We got up at 4AM and Ben's mom drove us to the airport. We had a small moment of panic when we saw how long the Delta line was, but thankfully the International line was much shorter. In order to sit together we had to take the very last rows right over the engine. Our seats were vibrating so hard I was sure I was going to hurl, and we couldn't even hear each other talk. I passed the time reading articles in the Delta Sky magazine about contented cows and negative realists (which I am, I discovered upon taking their handy dandy little quiz).

We had a short layover in Atlanta and sitting in the terminal I was scanning all of the people waiting to board the plane to Guatemala City for adoptive families. Amazingly, there was only one other single mom and her dad (they ended up staying at our hotel and we quickly became acquainted). I also examined every single face of all the little boys in great detail wondering if Gabe looked similar. We chatted a bit with a guy who lived in CA, but was Guatemalan. He was going to spend few weeks getting to know his home country. He seemed confused when we said that we were only going to stay in the hotel in Guatemala City. We didn't really want to publicize our real reason for going. Unfortunately, we were separated for this portion of the flight. Ben would gaze across the row forlornly at me from his seat occasionally asking, "How's it goin' wife?"

Once in Guatemala City, we went through customs pretty smoothly. We exchanged our Dollars to Quetzales and exited the airport. Our hotel had sent a taxi for us and the other woman (Mary) and her Dad that were on our plane. Mary was picking up her daughter. This was her second Guatemalan adoption. She ended up being very helpful to the rest of us first timers. Plus, she was really nice and outgoing. I was sad when they left on Wed. The hotel (La Casa Grande. . translated, The Big House) was quaint and comfortable. It had a lot of courtyards and places where you could get out of your room and sit somewhere else, or chat with other people. They had a nice balcony where you could watch the busy street in front of the hotel or the rain come in at night. It also had a small restaurant that was open pretty much all day. We ate all of our meals there except when we were in Antigua.

Once we arrived, we dumped our bags in the room and then just looked at each other both thinking, "Now what?" We called R (the lawyer) and arranged to have the baby brought to the hotel at 9:30AM the next day. It was only 1PM so we had a lot of time to kill. We wandered the small hotel, took a nap, roamed the street for food, ended up eating dinner at the hotel, watched cartoons in Spanish, sat on the balcony and watched the Guatemalan rains (a fond memory of ours), finally giving up and going to bed at 8PM.

To Be Continued. . . . . .

Mother's Day in Guatemala

Last Tuesday was Mother's Day in Guatemala. It was also the day I held my son for the first time.

Gabriel is beautiful, tiny (12 lbs 12 oz), and the most happy, contented, perfect baby, I've ever met. He is truly precious. He has chubby cheeks and a big gummy grin. He loves to talk, coo, laugh, and smile. His huge eyes are so dark that you can't even see where his pupils begin. He's quite the drooler and has just discovered that he has a fist. He loves to be carried across my arms with one of his little chubby arms hanging down and our bellies touching. That way he can look at my face until his sweet little eyes close to sleep. He loves it when Ben talks to him and says, "Hola Gabe". He would answer back and kick his little legs and wave his arms everytime.

He stole both of our hearts and it was really hard to leave him. However, I know the foster mother is taking really good care of him.

I will attempt to tell the whole story over the next couple of days. For now, I need to take care of Ben because he is incredibly sick from the trip. Unfortunately, our agency requests that we do not post pictures on a public website of the baby until he is legally ours. They say it can jeopardize the adoption. I know others have done it, but I'm not going to take any chances. However, if you would like to e-mail me I may be willing to send you the link to our not-so-public pictures.

Peace Out

1. 5 Nights at La Casa Grande booked - Check
2. 2 Delta round trip tickets to Guatemala - Check
3. Packing - ?
4. Watching of my two taped episodes of The OC that I was WAY too excited to sit down and watch yesterday - ?
5. Excited pacing of my household - Partial Check
6. Awake at 4AM on a day I took off from work to have washing machine delivered - Check

Let me just say that Ben now thinks I'm totally nuts! I don't want to eat, I can't sleep, I can't even sit down. I'm FREAKING out! So, yes, I generally agree with his analysis. We finally found out last night at about 6:30pm that our lawyer OK'd our travel plans. This set into action what I am now calling Operation Visit Trip. OVT started out a little rough, but I think its rolling along OK now.

So here's the deal my fine friends:

1. Friday - Wait for the washing machine to be delivered. Run to bank to get cash and travelers checks. Stop at store to buy remaining items needed for travel. Pack one bag for this weekend and separate bags for next week. Talk to agency regarding questions to minor details such as, how do I know when they are going to bring the baby to the hotel?

2. Saturday - Drive 5 hours to Charlevoix, MI for a family wedding.

3. Sunday - Drive home 5 hours from said wedding. Bake carrot cake w/ cream cheese frosting and cook dinner for my mom for Mother's Day. Finish packing. Try to get Delta to change our seating assignments so we can sit together. Coordinate interim cat care. Scold kitties about improper use of carpet for a)poopies and b)cat yak.

4. Monday - Leave for airport at 5AM.

5. Tuesday - Meet my baby boy.

So this is really going to happen. Its very surreal and while I am currently on the biggest adrenaline rush, I am having a hard time actually convincing my brain that I am going to see Gabriel. I didn't think it would feel like this. . . .so good.

Needless to say, I won't be around until OVT is complete. But I promise to share the story upon our return.

So until then. .. . Peace Out!

Thanks You's and Clarifications

First off, I wanted to say a heart felt thanks to everyone who took the time to stop by and congratulate me. Especially a big thank you to Julie and Michelle who were amazing enough to post my good fortune on their blogs. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I also owe a huge thank you to our very best friends in the whole world who went out to Olive Garden with us on a work night to celebrate. Thanks for dinner, my friends and for your wonderful, wonderful friendship. You know we couldn't have made it this far without you! You are truly a gift to us. We love you guys!

Second, I think my post was a bit misleading. Unfortunately, Gabriel is not yet legally ours, so this is only a visit trip. We will get to keep him with us at our hotel for as long as we want (including overnight). Our current, but not definite, plan is to fly down on Monday and have the baby brought to the hotel on Tuesday. We will keep him until Thursday, when the foster mother will return to pick him up. Friday will be spent in Antigua and then we will fly home on Saturday. We don't want to keep Gabriel too many days because it will be a huge disruption for my poor boy.

Third, what I didn't mention was the additional bit of good news we received yesterday. Apparently our case was kicked out of PGN (the courts). Why is this good news you ask? Well, it means that they have actually looked at our case and its not sitting at the bottom of some pile. We were expecting to get kicked out because we don't yet have Embassy preapproval to be in PGN. We couldn't get preapproval until the DNA testing was complete. Our lawyer likes to submit cases that don't have preapproval in hopes that they will look at the rest of our paperwork and let us know if there are any problems that we can fix while waiting for preapproval (smart, huh?). So now we wait . . . .some more. I've been reading on the Yahoo list that people are waiting 3+ months for the Embassy to issue the preapprovals. Apparently there is some sort of slow down (what else is new?). So I guess we will wait and see what happens with us.

OK, so how many times can a person say "preapproval" and "wait" in one paragraph. .. honestly.

Just as a side note. .. how come everytime I look at the Yahoo big lists I always end up feeling depressed? They never have any good news to report, just doom and gloom. Ugh. I keep telling myself not to read them, but I always do anyway.

So again, I say THANKS!!

DNA Results are In

ITS A MATCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We can travel anytime. I called Ben and just said, "So, when do you want to travel?"

He cheered and said, "I knew it!" Then he promptly suggested we leave for Guatemala on Monday. Did you hear that. . .MONDAY!

That means, it is very possible I could be holding my son . . . MY SON. . .this time next week.

Its all I can do not to burst into tears right now. I can't believe this is actually happening. Truly remarkable!

I think I'm going to throw up.

Beep

Below is a list of events from yesterday, in no particular order:

1. Wife leaves for church, in flip flops and a thin shirt. Realizes while walking out the door that the sun was deceiving and in actuality it is only about 35 degrees. Precedes to freeze.

2. Wife returns home, changes into heavenly sweats and eats a huge bowl of spicy black eyed pea and sausage stew for lunch (YUM!)

3. Wife considers going back for a second bowl and leaving husband with only frozen pizza for lunch.

4. Wife does the budget, irons work clothes, and washes four loads of laundry.

5. Husband fixes lawn mower and mows rapidly growing jungle

5. Upon commencing the fifth load of laundry, wife realizes the 4 year old washing machine has crapped out and decided it was tired of spinning.

6. Non-swearing husband locks himself in the utility room to fix/beat said washing machine.

7. Non-swearing husband is heard from the kitchen bleeping out all of the swear words, "Son of a beep. . . . .this beeping piece of beep beep. . . .. . .Holy beep".

8. Wife nearly breaks wrist while frantically yanking towels out of an overstuffed closet.

9. Wife laughs so hard at non-swearing husband's "beeps" that she impales herself with a laundry basket by walking into an arm chair (where upon she wakes up the next morning looking 6 months pregnant, and feeling like someone punched her repeatedly in the gut).

10. Non-swearing husband gives up on washing machine and declares that we are taking a trip to Lowes.

11. Wife burns herself draining noodles.

12. Both wife and non-swearing husband decide to go to Lowe's on Monday and instead partake of alcholic beverages.

The End