Freaking HOT!!!

Let me just start by saying I freakin' hate summer!!!!! These temps are insane and the humidity must be like 237%. I would sell my left arm to have some A/C up in here.

Things are getting better. Unfortunately, Ben and I came down with Gabe's cold and I can now see why the little bugger was so miserable. The poor guy coughed so hard he would throw up and then choke. Very scary for a new mom. One time I leapt over the front seat to try to frantically unbuckle the seat belt of his car seat, certain he was dying before my very eyes.

We saw the pediatrician for the first time yesterday. He said that the cold would clear up and didn't seem to have a lot of worries about Gabe. He redid two of his vaccinations because he said they did them to close together. He also said that Gabe is in the 10-25% range for height, weight, and head circumference. This sounds about right since Guatemalans are smaller in stature and I'm pretty sure those statistics are for American babies. He also wasn't convinced that he has a milk protein allergy. He wants us to try a soy based formula. I'm a little leery to do so though. The bad part about the allergy is that he is on special formula that costs $22 a can which lasts less than a week. Its one of the most expensive formulas you can get.

Already Gabe has changed so much in the 12 days he has been home. He's getting much happier (now that he is feeling better). He's eating cereal and apples/bananas. He is reaching more for toys/faces/blankets etc. He started to transfer toys from one hand to another. His coos are beginning to resemble a little bit more of a babble then a coo (still working on the consonants but has the vowels down). He is almost rolling over. His legs are much stronger when you hold him up he can stand and balance fairly well. I can now lay him down and he will play on the floor or in his bouncy chair for long periods of time (previously we couldn't put him down or even sit while holding him. . .well, we still can't sit while holding him. The boy has some innate sense of where he is in relation to sea level or something. He will wake even out of a dead sleep). I can finally rock him and lay him down and have him go to sleep on the first try instead of the fifth. I can also carry him on my hip. Before he would just slump over like a wet noodle. He's made a lot of strides in a short time. I've been working with him on rolling over and sitting up. Its a slow go. I swear, the boy will walk before he will roll over. He gets close though. He HATES HATES HATES to be put on his tummy. When you do, he will hold his head up, but then slide his arms behind him and plant his face in the blanket. Then precedes to get mad. Its not that he can't hold his head up, he just doesn't get the concept. If I'm honest, it kinda makes me laugh a little (bad mommy).

I still feel a bit like one of these days someone is going to come and pick him up. I still don't feel like its permanent. I have a hard time dealing with change and even though its a happy change, its still been very hard for me. I am enjoying it though and I REALLY like staying home (so far). Truth be told, I have to attach to him as much as he does to me. I've guarded my heart for so long and I have to learn how to do undo that. I feel a strong maternal instinct to protect and care for him, but I will grow to love him more and more each day. Don't get me wrong, I do love the boy but not with an ooshy gooshy kind of love. Ooshy goooshy does not come naturally to me (a product of non-ooshy gooshy parents). He is amazing to me every day. I'm looking forward to watching him continue to grow and change. Its going to be wonderful!

Oh and here are a few more pictures.

Hard

Gabe is going through quite a rough spot. The last couple days he's been getting worse instead of better. It doesn't help that he has a cold, but he's been crying and fussy a lot. Its been tough because I don't know if he's just not feeling well, not eating enough, tired, or grieving. I think its the latter. Yesterday he didn't really like me much. That was tough. Today Ben goes back to work and I have to solo it for the first time. I'm pretty nervous to be honest. Like I said, he's been crying a lot and its been helpful for the two of us to take shifts. I've sort of been running on some sort of auto pilot just trying to figure things out. It turns out that I haven't been feeding him enough formula (bad mommy). Now that I know this maybe things will get a bit better. Who knows? Being a mom is terrifying because you are always second guessing yourself. I know we will work it out and that it is just going to take time. I have to remember that we've only had him for a week. I guess I just didn't really believe the attachment therapist when she said a six month old baby will grieve.

Well, I need to get a shower in before he wakes up at 7. Wish me luck.

Oh, also, thanks for all the comments on the last few posts. Typically, I respond to each one individually if I can locate an e-mail address. However, given the craziness of this current time I am unable to do so. Please accept my apologies and my sincere thanks for the wonderful comments.

Home

We are home. We finally made it home about 1:30AM on Friday and it was a long couple of days. Gabriel is doing really well considering he's just been uprooted from everything he's ever known in his life. We've been trying to work out a schedule and figure out what, when, and how much to feed him. He's at such an ambiguous food age and I've never been a mother before so. . .. . Thankfully, he goes to bed every night at 8PM sharp and sleeps until about 5:30AM. I have to be honest, I am very grateful for some non-baby time as he requires constant attention and doesn't like to be put down. Ben and I have been taking shifts with him. This mothering gig is a hard and sometimes scary job. Its worth it though especially everytime he smiles, squeals, or buries his head in my shoulder. He's totally precious. I'm so lucky to be his mom.

I'll try to post about our trip but I'm not sure exactly when. All the sudden I don't have a lot of free time. . . . huh. . .. funny how that happened. For now, I will leave you with a few pictures.

Final Words

I spent all day yesterday trying to come up with something profound and beautiful to say mere days before bringing home my desperately wanted son. I have nothing. Its just too surreal and too overwhelming for words.

Instead I will say thank you to everyone who has been reading, following my journey, and commenting. I never thought that anyone would really care and certainly wouldn't care enough to post comments, especially people I don't know in real life. It has been a godsend.

Thank you also to Liz and Chasen. Seriously, I almost started crying at dinner on Friday because I love you guys so much. Please believe me when I say that we COULD NOT have made it without you. Thank you for having our back.

Finally, a huge congratulations to Julie who received her referral for a baby boy on Friday. Please stop over there and give her a big congratulations. Julie, I hope that the time from now until PINK is smooth and short. I can't wait to see your son.

See you on the flip side.

The Word has Made Its Final Appearance

We leave Monday. . . back on Thursday!

I don't know what else to say except by this time next week my boy will be home.

Yikes!

Word is Still on the Street and Refuses to Come Inside

Well, I still don't know what is going on. I'm assuming we didn't get our pink slip so I don't think we will be traveling on Sunday (unless I hear today). Ugh!

Word on the Street

Word on the street says we may be leaving Sunday, getting Gabe on Monday, go to the Embassy Tuesday and HOME ON WEDNESDAY!

I'll post when I know for sure!