I Didn't Want To But I Couldn't Help It

That's right, I returned a library book after reading 400 pages of a 500 page book. I have a general rule that if I read at least 15 pages of any book I am committed to finishing it, no matter how awful or boring. But this book........I just couldn't do it. I just couldn't force myself to finish the last 100 pages. Ugh!

My book selection strategy is pretty weak. Basically, I 95% judge a book by its cover. Most times, I barely even skim the jacket for a plot line. The truth is, some of the best books I ever read had uninteresting jackets and vice versa. I've found the cover gives a much better indication. I've also found that the first page of a book will tell you whether its going to interesting or not. If I'm not hooked by page 15, forget about it. Its not going to happen.

So anyways, if you are scanning through the library and happen across Crooked River Burning please pass it on by, for the love of everything that's good and sacred. Its so boring. (Am I supposed to use italics to indicate a book title? I've never been good about these type of writing rules??? Remember, accountant not english major) In an effort to revamp my reading selection strategy, can anyone recommend a good fiction book (please no sci-fi, fantasy, or Danielle Steele).

So..did the title make you think I talked to the lady at J0Ann F@brics? The title was my feeble attempt at being clever (emphasis on feeble). To answer..no, I didn't say anything to her. I really really wanted to, but after reading other adoption blogs I realized that everyone is not like me (shocking, huh?). While I would relish another adoptive parent coming up to me and striking up a conversation, I realize most others would not. So I kept my trap shut and simply smiled at the girl who eyed me suspiciously. But, if you see me at a store please come up and say hi. I'd be happy to have a little chat with you.

On another note, I received an e-mail from one of the other couples adopting from Guatemala from our agency. We had met this couple at a waiting families meeting and talked for about an hour. Then, when we went to pick up Gabe they were visiting their daughter Maria. They just returned home with their 4 month old daughter (4 mths, holy cow!). They wrote a beautiful story that made me weepy all day. It helped me to remember what a miracle my son is and how lucky I am to have him with me. We both used the same Guatemalan lawyer (R) who was magnificent. He was the sweetest man. I remember when we met him at the hotel during our pick up trip, he looked at me holding Gabe and said, "See why I do this, there is a perfect picture, a mother with her son and a son with his mother". I get weepy just thinking about that. When the other couple asked why he does adoptions he replied, "Because I like seeing miracles happen". The really sad thing is that he is no longer taking referrals for adoptions due to all the unrest with the laws etc. That makes me feel a bit depressed, that such a great man is giving up. We were hoping to use this lawyer when we go back for our future daughter.

Even sadder yet, this couple also wrote that the US Embassy was meeting with La Casa Grande (the hotel we stayed at) because they want to take over their land to expand the Embassy (its right next door). That really depressed me. This hotel is a piece of our family's history. Its the place where this all began. I wanted to take Gabe back there someday and try to explain to him just how much he means to us. I wanted to stay there when we return for his someday sister. So many families have a part of their history wrapped up in this hotel. How sad.

Anyway...I guess I will end this post with some pictures of the boy. He's really starting to look more like a little boy instead of a baby. Its almost freaky. I'm convinced he is never going to learn to crawl. He's going to be 12 and I will still be carrying him around from room to room. He's fitting into some of his 12 month clothes already (at 8 months). The other day he said, "Hi dada" and I leapt out of my chair while Ben exclaimed, "Did you hear that?". He was only babbling and that is what happened to come out...but it was soooooo weird to hear. It came out clear as day.

A Question?

So after you adopt internationally, do you earn the right to be that person? For example, if you are in J0Ann F@brics, because your saint of a best friend kidnapped you and saved you from CrabMaster G for a few hours, and you are standing in the fabric cutting line behind an obviously Guatemalan little girl and white mother, do you earn the right to say, "Hi, did you adopt your daughter from Guatemala? Oh yeah, we just brought our son home two months ago."

Do you earn that right??

Just curious.

PS - Do you think I was that person in this little scenario?

Bastards

I have a serious phobia. This phobia is related to things that sting. If a bee flys even near my vicinity I'm doing a girly scream and running in circles. I am deathly afraid of wasps, bees, etc. I can't even watch bees on TV without feeling light headed.

Today driving home from church my knee felt funny, like it was being stung. At first I thought it was just itchy so I scratched it a bit. A few minutes later I pulled up my pant leg and examined it, but didn't see anything other than the red mark from me clawing at it with my finger nails. I put my pant leg back down and told Ben, "I must be going crazy because I feel like something is stinging my knee". A few more minutes went by and it started to get worse. As I itched through my blue jeans I felt a bug sized lump. I quickly wrapped my jeans around the lump (still convinced I was imagining things) and slowly pulled up my pant leg once again to see what was trapped between my fingers (hoping for just some lint). Sure enough it was one of those small wasps.

HOLY FREAKING CRAP! All the sudden my breathing picked up, my heart was beating out of my chest. Ben suggested that he pull over on the side of the road to which I gasp, "And do what, strip off my pants on the side of the freeway?" We were still a good 20 minutes from home at this point. He kept driving while I frantically feel around now convinced there are more in my pant leg. It was a really long 20 minutes.

When we finally got home I had both hands clenching parts of my pants where I had caught wasps. I waddled up the driveway and into the house, haunched over still clenching for dear life. Once inside, I stripped off my jeans as fast as possible and did an icky icky dance.

I was stung five times on my left knee. I'll probably have nighmares the rest of the week.

Freaking Bastard Wasps.

What a Difference a Year Makes

Today is my Blog-o-versary when I wrote this pathetic little test post. Not that any of the posts that followed were written any better. Anyway, lifewise I've come a long way. When I wrote that post we were waiting for a referral from our first and most crappy agency. A few short months later we would switch agencies, reassemble our dossier, lose one referral, get another referral, visit Gabe, and bring Gabe home. I would also quit my job. Weeoooo....that's quite a year (and that is without even mentioning everything that has gone on with my mother).

Others have posted surveys for their readers to answer on their one year blog-o-versary. I would love to do that but my self consciousness will not allow me in fear that no one would answer.....and that would just be embarrassing. I'm not sure I can take the rejection.

So here's to the next year. May it be better than the last.

PS - Its been 2 months since we brought Gabe home and guess what?........That's right, I'm still not pregnant. So eat that, Suckas!

New Blog Name

As you may have noticed, I've changed the name of my blog. I did a quick gander through Julie's Big List and didn't see anything similar. However, the unoriginality of it leads me to suspect there may be a blog with a similar name. If I have stolen your name or even a name similar to your blog (or one you have seen) please let me know and I will change it.

Thanks,
Management

Interesting Observation - Updated

We've now started going out in public quite a bit and I've made an interesting observation. The people who fawn the most over Gabe are AA women. I have a suspicion that they think Gabe is AA or biracial. We live in an area that is a blend of AA and caucasians so it wouldn't be out of the ordinary to see a caucasian woman carrying a darker skinned child.

Also, so far I've received no inappropriate comments or questions from strangers. Maybe this goes to further my theory.

So tell me, if you ran into me at the store would you think he was AA or biracial?

Updated to add: I'm not at all offended that people think he's AA or biracial. If you think about it, most people who aren't familiar with International adoption would not think, "oh, he's Guatemalan". The bulk of the world would not know how to identify the features of a Guatemalan person. Some people at church have asked if he's Asian. This isn't a coincidence. There is actually a blend of Philippino heritage in many Guatemalans.

Lacking in the Motivation Department

That's how its been for me lately. No motivation. I don't really have an excuse for not posting. Instead I've just been reading other blogs, mostly not commenting. Just slipping in and slipping out under the cover of the internet. I've been apathetic really. Like I said, no excuses.

We had our first night out a few weeks back. We left Gabe with my mom and went to the Coldplay concert with our friends. The concert was awesome and I was so excited to not be responsible for another person for a few hours. Ben didn't do as well as me and worried about Gabe the whole time. That bummed me out a bit. Gabe did fine and didn't cry at all. My mom said he looked a little concerned when she went in to get him after his nap but got over it quickly. We picked him up at about 12:30AM and Ben got him from the crib and was whispering in his ear. Even though Gabe was still asleep and his eyes were closed, he was smiling this huge grin. He was glad that we were back to get him. My only big worry with leaving him was him thinking, "Hey, I've done this before and I don't want to do it again."

I've been getting a little restless in the evenings now that I feel like I've got things under control around here. I was so used to constantly running around (while I was still working) that I don't really know how to slow down. I briefly mentioned maybe working a few evening a week, but Ben wasn't too keen on that. I'm not sure if that is really what I want to do either. I decided to schedule out my daytime hours a little better so that maybe I will want to rest more after Gabe goes to bed. Hopefully that will help. It also didn't help that I hadn't left the house in six days. I need to be more conscience about getting out.

Tonight we are going to be speaking at our Agency's information meeting (and bringing Gabe of course). I'm pretty excited about it. I remember going to Waiting Families meetings and seeing all the "survivors" with their babies. I swear, they were like heroes to me....warriors in battle. Its weird that now I'm on the other side. The only thing is, how do you summarize your whole story into 10 minutes?

As always, here are some more pictures of Gabe taken over the last few weeks:

PUNK!

Ummm, Gabe..... next time you want to go back to sleep after waking up mommy at 6AM, please do it before mommy gets out of bed to get your bottle ready. Thanks Love.

Its now 7:19 and the boy is still asleep....PUNK! Man, I could have slept another hour but I guess instead I will finally post something.

I decided (like many others) after Katrina to just keep quiet. It just didn't seem like there was anything worth saying.

Oh sure, that figures, he's up now. Guess I'll have to post later.....PUNK!