Struggling

One of the more formidable issues I have with pregnancy is depression.  Its weird, I don't have issues with depression ever in my life, but a few weeks into pregnancy and I'm heavily weighed down by it.  I can't exactly remember if it let up later in pregnancy last time or not.  I'm pretty sure that the progesterone doesn't help.  This depression makes it impossible to enjoy life.  It makes me not want to do anything but lay down and stare at the wall.  I don't even want to watch TV or read.  Even sleeping feels like a chore.  Its not like I'm crying or sad....I'm just under a cloud of despair.  When you add the nausea on top, the despair mounts.

Many women have issues with postpartum depression, however that wasn't the case with me once Ellie was born.  I felt ecstatic after her birth.  Its probably the happiest I've ever felt in my life.  I will never forget the way I felt driving home (after being in the hospital for so long) with my baby in the back....home to my Gabbers....our four person family under one roof.  If I could bottle that feeling and sell it....well, I'd buy some for myself right now.

I know I will get through this.  I know it is a good thing.  I know it will come to an end eventually.  However, right now, I can't see through this fog.  This pregnancy feels impossible.  I don't know how I will make it.